Lately I've been thinking that my parents perhaps raised me in the wrong way. Though, to be fair, I can hardly blame it on them. It's not their fault I've turned out the way I have. I could blame the culture or the media or the Man, but why bother? I prefer to call it a phenomenon of strange and wondrous proportions.

For example, normal students, when asked what they want to be, answer, "Oh, I want to go to college and study to become a lawyer/doctor/teacher/soldier/your-career-here."

My answer is something like this: "Oh, I think that after graduation I'll travel to New York, infiltrate the Mob, and become a get-away driver. After a few years of rising in the ranks, I'll take over and use my Mob to conquer the world."

I'll admit, I get a few blank stares.

But the real kicker came today, while I was innocently working on a history project.

DEAN OF STUDENTS: Ah, what's that you're working on?
ME: Oh, just a project for Mrs.-
DoS: Are you in fact forging signatures?
ME: Yes. I mean, only the Founding Fathers' signatures. And it's not as though they're going to care.
DoS: I see a long and profitable career ahead of you.
ME: Really? Because I was thinking, what with the economy the way it is, that I should maybe explore some non-traditional career choices.
DoS: Yes. And if you make it big, remember me and my wisdom.
ME: Ah. Yes.
DoS: And while you're forging Franklin's signature, see if you can't pick up a few of his patent checks.